Now, there are a lot of people out there who get all pissy when it comes to the collection of information (cookies and such) and the way ads are targeted. I, for one, don’t give a shit if I am tracked or presented with ads based on perceived preferences. In fact, I enjoy it. Unlike television ads, banner ads are easy to ignore and, with the shit commercials I have to sit through while watching television, it’s a welcome relief.
The thing is, I can tell by the content of the online ads that my behavior IS being tracked... but the Internet is doing it all wrong.
Before The Girlfriend and I made our annual pilgrimage to Manhattan last month, I did my usual online research, looking for a good concert or Broadway show to attend. We finally settled on "Nice Work If You Can Get It," purchased our tickets online and planned an evening around the show. For the next couple of weeks, the Internet tried to get me to buy tickets, relentlessly flashing banner ads, for the exact. Same. Show.
“I just bought tickets to that show, you jackass,” I screamed.
The Internet doesn’t listen.
It was clear, that my visit to the Imperial Theater website was tracked, as was my visits to other websites where I read reviews of the show... maybe the Internet didn’t know that I bought tickets (though you’d think it would be easy to figure it out).
It was clear at some point that I was done researching the show, so why initiate the advertising blitz?
Wouldn’t it make more sense for the Internet to say, “Now here’s a guy who presumably likes the theater... a guy who presumably likes show tunes... Let’s advertise OTHER Broadway shows to him, instead of the one that he has thoroughly researched.”
Other Broadway shows, places to dine before the show... maybe even a gay bar or two...
See what I did there?
Broadway show tunes?
I crack myself up.
So, the Internet bombarded me with advertisements for a show that I already had tickets for and it continued bombarding me long after the show was over. It didn’t stop until I started to do research on 529 accounts for my kids. Then, I was inundated with advertisements for Gerber’s life insurance/529 plan.
|No thank you.|
Dear algorithm, Isn’t it obvious that I wasn’t interested in the Gerber plan?
I don’t know what all the fuss is about when it comes to the Internet tracking your moves. I mean, clearly they’re not getting it right if this shit keep happening.
Hell, they can’t even market porn properly.
As y’all know, I
So, kudos to the algorithms for figuring out where I live but, trust me, there are NO horny housewives in Mattituck and, if there are, they do NOT want to get laid by me. That’s false fucking advertising (and false hope) right there, bitches. At the very least, the Internet could pick up on my sexual preferences and advertise some content that I may actually want to get off to.
The point is, online ads don’t bother me and I would totally click on them if they were relevant.
So, maybe the Internet will hear my plea and start advertising websites that feature pictures of cute kittens doing silly things, amateur porn videos, and beer... because that’s pretty much all I care about.