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| It's not easy, but I can do it! |
Whoa. Dude. At what?
I know, you never thought I’d start a story with THOSE words.
Well, I never imagined it either. Yet, I, along with The Girlfriend and my boys, have been attending regular Sunday services at our local Presbyterian church and we’re working toward full-fledged membership.
Look, it’s not like I woke up one day and suddenly found God or something. In fact, I haven’t found him at all. Hell, I’m not even sure that I’m looking for him.
I’m doing this for my boys... to introduce them to a community with strong values and moral beliefs, to show them what organized religion has to offer, and to let them decide what role, if any, God will play in their lives.
I was raised Episcopalian, with a pretty diverse religious experience. Most of my early education came from Catholic school and I even did a stint at a Jewish summer camp. (I’m not sure what my grandparents were thinking when they sent their bastard Episcopalian child to Catholic school for eight years and made him spend his summers with a bunch of kids in yamakas.) I even played the role of “Jesus” in my high school production of “Godspell.”
The result, however, was “God overload” and, for years, I rejected organized religion.
Before Nana died, I started to recognize the importance of a religious education and would occasionally bring my boys, with her, to the church where I grew up. They responded well and enjoyed the experience, but becoming active members of a congregation nearly 15 miles away didn't make sense. That, coupled with the fact that the boys’ mother blew an epic fucking gasket when Lu-Dog expressed interest in being baptized in Nana’s church, sort of put our religious plans on hold.
After Nana’s passing, I did a lot of soul searching. I thought about life, death, spirituality, and my role as a father... and I kept coming back to the realization that my boys need to become part of a religious community.
At first, I wanted to check out the local Episcopal church, but The Girlfriend thought that the Presbyterian church would be a better fit. We locked horns for a while and it wasn’t until our close friends, active members in the latter, convinced me to give it a shot. I did, with a promise from The Girlfriend that we could try BOTH churches.
We never made it to the Episcopal church.
After one visit to the Presbyterian church, I knew that we had found our home.
I love it. I love the people, the music... the reverend. I can’t explain it, but I really feel like we fit in. On top of that, there is a big congregation filled with people we know... and kids... LOTS of kids.
The boys love it, as well. We have a Sunday routine and there have been few complaints. It helps that they have friends in “children’s church,” and they seem excited about enrolling in Sunday school, especially since we just found out that one of Lu-Dog’s best pals is in the program.
Jackpot.
Okay. That was a really long introduction to this:
At church the other day, the reverend gave a sermon about “turning the other cheek.” He spoke at length about ego and our natural desire to exact revenge against those who have wronged us.
You know, I really felt like he was speaking to ME...
The last few years have not been easy. I have been divorced, arrested, stalked and had my name dragged through the mud. In many respects, life is great... but I still have this nagging urge to get revenge on everyone who has ever manipulated me, bad-mouthed me, or hurt me.
Sigh.
That really serves no purpose.
Certainly, the reverend pointed out, Jesus' words do not mean that we should not stand up for ourselves or take abuse... but I’m certainly not a battered man.
Most recently, an individual with an axe to grind has taken to the Internets to sully my already sullied name. He talks about me on his Facebook page... He comments on published stories that bear my name... He’s obsessed with painting a picture of me that does not exist.
At first, I created a few “troll” accounts. It was my mission to toy with him and make him look stupid, mostly over his hypocrisy and poor grammar... but then I heard the reverend’s sermon and I asked myself...
What for?
Sure, I would get a laugh out of making him look stupid but, hasn’t he already done that on his own?
“Instead,” the reverend urged... “bless them.”
The reverend is right, when we “pray” for our enemies... when we open our hearts, we chip away at that tough ego inside of us... We find peace.
In the end, maybe all of this church stuff isn’t just for the boys... but for daddy too.
So, God bless you, crazy man. You’re gonna need it, because the next person you cross may not be a church goin’ man!
How about you, dear readers? When it comes to petty bullshit, do you seek revenge or do you turn the other cheek?
This inquiring mind wants to know.
Oh... and then there's this:
5 comments:
My first marriage...I was a pastor's wife. It was a long seven years, two of them spent in Guatemala, Mexico & Philly as missionaries. When it was all over--after counseling and confrontations and selling plasma to feed my boys...I cracked his e-mail and found he was seeing five other women. I wound up with a curable (thank God) sexual thing. Leaving him meant leaving the church. All my friends. I refused to drag it all out in the open. I refused to throw mud, I knew it would hit my children.
The end of the story, nearly ten years later....is that I live with such peace. I have joy in abundance. He is tormented, unemployed, and married a redhead 14 years younger than me who has put on 75 lbs since their wedding day.
Justice is His. Totally.
Wow, that's great that you are going to church for you boys. I grew up a faithful church attender, and after I came back from Honduras, I stopped going. I always think I'll start going back again, but haven't quite gotten there, yet. But one thing I miss incredibly is the community and fellowship. So good for you.
I have almost always been a turn the other cheeker, although sometimes I think it's been to my detriment. But it's good to get a reminder that that is the better way to go :)
I really like your approach to the whole religion issue. My husband and I are both "recovering" Catholics and I have always felt like we should introduce some feeling of community (the thing I most liked about going to church growing up) and let them decide for themselves what they want to believe in when they're older. But the only exposure they've had has been a little bit of Catholic church and whatever we've told them about various religions peppered with what they've learned about the Jewish religion from friends and school. My husband and I were married by a Unitarian minister and if there were a Unitarian church nearby, I think that would be the right fit for us. I think it's great that you've found the right fit for you and your boys and how organically it all came about. That's a great way to do things because it has meaning to you and you're not just going through the motions. Hey - and thanks for linking up to the hop, Six!
I'm not sure what to teach my son when it comes to religion because I'm still not sure where I stand on it myself. My focus with him is trying to instil how important it is to try your best to be a good person and be smart about your decisions and behaviour...hopefully that will be enough until he decides where he stands spiritually.
I am really not good at turning the other cheek...but I've learned I can't exist in a constant state of anger and bitterness either
While I am Wiccan and The Artist is Agnostic, we have always raised our boys with open minds. They know about God, and Christianity and they have a choice, always, in what they wish to believe.
Recently, they have shown a lot of interest in Wicca. I have taken them to "our church", which is a Friday Night Forum where we meet at a local new age book store and have speakers and sometimes read Tarot, or get classes on crystals or herbs, etc.
Both of the boys have really flourished in these beliefs and are always looking to learn more.
Since the basis of Wicca is to harm no one, live life in peace, and I can teach them meditation and ways to channel anger, fear, and pain, I'm all for them embracing this with me!
. . . As for your last question- I personally look for revenge, something I need to work on.
Whatever the Religion, or Spirituality, I think it's great you are doing it TOGETHER with your boys, as a family, with a community.
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