I'm A Sprocket!

The new guy sits in the corner.

Remember that one time, when I blogged about a new poll giving Nickelback a more favorable rating than the US Congress and then I got a whiny comment from Nickelback’s biggest fan (sorry Kev, I had to) and then I sent Lindsay Lohan a Tweet, calling her gonorrhea... but then I thought better of it and I kinda took it back by explaining that, what I MEANT to say, was that she was LIKE gonorrhea?

Yeah, you can thank Sprocket Ink for that mess.

The original story was my first attempt at getting my “foot in the door,” so to speak, with a guest post over at Sprocket Ink... “Where news meets snark. Daily.”

I sent my “guest post” to them last week and, being the totally insecure, impatient, and paranoid freak that I am, I assumed that they had rejected my story when I didn’t get a response within three hours and I said (to myself), “Self? Fuck them. I have my own motherfucking blog,” and then I posted it here.

On Saturday morning, I got an email from Sprocket Ink co-founder, Nichole (note: with an “h”), and she was all like, “Douchebag, I was gonna publish your article, but you fucking couldn’t wait, could you? Nice work, loser.”

Okay, it didn’t exactly go down like that, but the end result?

←------------------------ Look at that little sprocket icon over there!

See it?

Know what that means?

The Six-Fingered Monkey is the newest member of the Sprocket Ink Crew, y’all!!!

That's right. After some email banter with Nichole (banter which utilized my irresistible boyish charm), I managed to trick her into letting me become secure an open spot on the Sprocket Ink roster.

Soon after, I was graciously welcomed by the craziest (but seriously talented) bunch of writers out there, with promises of tequila, tacos and a unicorn. 

Okay... I promised to bring the unicorn. Please don't tell them that I don't have one!

I can't believe that they added me to their crew and I haven't even published one fucking story on their site yet. Clearly, they don't know me.

I'm seriously psyched though and, although my first piece won't be published until Friday afternoon, I am gonna milk the SHIT out of this news better than Good Morning America has milked Robin Roberts's bone marrow transplant... 

...because I'm a whore...

Your whore!

But, you don't have to wait until Friday to start getting awesome stories from the snarkiest news site on the planet. Get your ass over to Sprocket Ink and start reading now!

I promise that you will really, really like it.