Gifted

Brilliance... squared!

Don’t you just hate it when people brag about their kids on the Internets?

I know I do, but I come from the “do as I say, not as I do” school. 

While I don’t really care to look at pictures of your allegedly cute kids on Facebook or listen to stories about how your kid made the honor roll, I have no problem sharing mine.

I’m kidding, I genuinely care that your kid is the most awesome in the world, even if you are lying and I KNOW you are lying because MY kids are the most awesome kids in the world.

Okay, now I’M lying. 

My kids, though generally good, are often a royal pain in the ass... though I think that’s just a side-effect of their brilliance.

I always used to joke that while Lu-Dog would likely grow up to become a scientist, his little brother would become the star football player or rock star. Based on personality alone, this may still be the case, but it is becoming more likely that Lu-Dog and D-Man will be giving joint TED Talks and vying for a Mensa top spot.

You see, I recently received the results of some tests done through D-Man’s Pre-K program. They screened him for verbal comprehension, cognitive skills and other performance standards. In every category, D-Man was listed as being “above-average”, which is awesome... but the icing on the cake?

His IQ.

Drum roll, please?

135.

Mother-fucking boo-yah, y’all!  

Boo. Yah.

Now, I have always known that Lu-Dog was gifted and his early tests simply confirmed my belief. You only need to spend five minutes with the kid to recognize that he is special (translation: weird).  

I’m kidding. Lu-Dog is an amazing kid who is destined for greatness and his quirks only serve to shed light on his higher intelligence.

D-Man, on the other hand? He is ALL five-year-old boy and, frankly, this news came as a bit of a surprise. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the kid is smart... but, gifted?

I guess I never really thought about it and, in true Six-Fingered Monkey fashion, I have already found a way to turn this around and make it about myself...

You can thank ME for the high IQs.

The secret?

Good genes and strong sperm, baby.

Unfortunately, as my office mate noted, a high IQ is no guarantee of greatness and many gifted individuals end up failing miserably.

So, now that I know the potential is there, I just need to steer these boys in the right direction...

Still, this is certainly a proud day for daddy.