Happy Holidays From The Six-Fingered Monkey!

In keeping with a tradition that I started last year (which is only NOW a tradition because it has happened more than once), I present to you, dear readers, your official Six-Fingered Monkey Holiday Greeting!

For the first time in, like, ever, we finally got our act together over here and sent out Christmas cards to our friends and relatives, but since most of you do not qualify as either (but are certainly just as important), this is YOUR official version. If you fall into the category of “friend” or “relative” and you did NOT receive a Christmas card... Well, you may want to step back and think about what YOU did to ruin our relationship...

Just sayin’. 

The cool part about the online version of the annual Six-Fingered Monkey Holiday Greeting is that you get the added bonus of our exciting “Year in Brief”, which we wouldn’t dare bore our friends and relatives with.

So, without further ado...

The craziest bunch of people you will ever meet!

Friends,

Let me start by sharing the best news of all...

The Six-Fingered Monkey was NOT arrested this year and those silly legal troubles that plagued him in 2011 have been all cleared up and his record is now squeaky clean!

This year marked D-Man’s entrance into the local Pre-K program and we are proud to announce that he has really flourished. In fact, the kid is smart as a whip and is really holding his own against his big brother who now practices sibling-torture as if it were an Olympic sport. It also seems as if, for now, we have quelled the little guy’s penis obsession.

Lu-Dog, on the other hand, wants nothing to do with penis talk or fart jokes, having graduated to the ripe old age of eight, going on sixteen. Now a third grader, Lu-Dog continues to excel in school and grow as a young man. He is still quite active in Cub Scouts, having reached the level of Webelo. He has been a big help to his dad who was forced into promoted to the position of Cub Master.

This year, we, as a family, DID face some difficult challenges.

In Spring, we lost our beloved Nana. Together, we spent a lot of time dealing with her estate, as well as the emotions that came along with her unexpected death. We weathered the storm, however, and we are all doing our best to find closure.

Around the same time, our family took a couple of big hits financially and suffered from a hairy string of job losses. Although we were basically impoverished for the second half of the year, we are hopeful for the year ahead. The good news is that being strapped with one job, instead of three, has given Six more time to focus on his writing.

This has been a banner year for The Six-Fingered Monkey. Traffic on the website has grown, like, a lot (I’m not good at math, you just have to trust me), since last year. Six has also been recognized with a whole bunch of awards and accolades and was even published in an e-book, which, by the way, would make an awesome Christmas gift for someone you love... or hate.

Just fucking buy it, okay? I don’t ask for much.

In addition to all the free time that Six has had to focus on his dream of becoming a famous blogger (much like his idol Jenny Lawson, who he totally embarrassed himself in front of this year), he has stolen a lot of material from continued to receive an incredible amount of love and support from the light of his life, The Girlfriend, a woman who he is so very much in love with and so proud of that he can barely contain himself. He also has trouble comprehending how such an asshole can be blessed with such an amazing (and really good-looking) gift. She even stayed with him after he decided to grow a beard and came down with a case of Bell’s Palsy.

All in all, this year was better than the last in some ways and, in some ways, worse... That’s apparently how life goes. In the end, we are confident that a happier, healthier and more prosperous new year is right around the corner... and we hope the same for you.

Our love,

The Monkey Troop