“Dude, why the FUCK is everyone talking about my HERPES? I don’t have fucking HERPES!”
“Seriously? THAT was why I told you NOT to use that title!”
“It was a fucking joke, dude. Read my blog.”
“I DID read your blog, but a lot of people don’t dude.”
“Oh, so what you’re saying is that people just read the title and move on?”
“Everyone is STUPID. Everyone.”
“Everyone is stupid?”
“Yes. Everyone in the world is stupid except for me.”
“You are ridiculous.”
“Now, I need to write a new blog explaining that I do NOT have herpes.”
get my blood test results tomorrow and I’m pretty sure that I don’t
have Lyme Disease, Herpes, or any other sort of viral infection, though
most doctors will tell you its viral.
Its got nothing to do with that.
like my friend’s take on it. He is a chiropractor and, now, MY
chiropractor. He suggested that perhaps it is not viral at all... that
the inflammation is perhaps caused by physical or emotional stress,
coupled with my unhealthy lifestyle.
It makes sense.
don’t take care of myself, I’ve been doing a shit-ton of manual labor
(which is typically not in my vocabulary), and I am stressed the fuck
out. I mean, forget about my shit job that makes me want to poke my
fucking eyes out... I have been coming to the realization lately that I have yet to find closure in the death of my grandmother.
would have been Nana’s 79th birthday. Last Friday we finally closed on
her house... my childhood home. I can never go back there again. I said
goodbye one last time on Thursday and I thought... I thought that THAT
would be my closure, but it brought me to the realization that closure
is nowhere in sight.
don’t know. I don’t know what to say here. I have not been right since
she died. My writing has suffered. My relationships with the people I
love the most have suffered. My mental and my physical health has
The good news is that I recognize it... all of it.
Girlfriend and I have been talking a lot in the last few days and
she helped me come to the conclusion that I am not going to get better
by locking myself away in my room or in my head... but by living life.
That’s what I am going to do.
Its the only way I am going to feel better.
It is the only way I’m going to find closure.
the urging of The Girlfriend, I reluctantly brought the kids to Nana’s
grave for the first time since she passed. We each brought a single
tulip to place on her tombstone in honor of her birthday. I didn’t want
to do it, but I am so glad that I did.
And just for the record? Crying with Bells Palsy SUCKS.