Something is Amiss

In my recent response to the Aurora shootings, I mentioned that something isn’t right with my boys. There have been reports of bad behavior, aggressive outbursts and, in Lu-Dog’s case, a severe nervous tic (he’s been blinking uncontrollably) which only manifested itself a few weeks ago.

As I said before, at the height of my divorce, Lu-Dog developed a similar nervous tic, but it subsided quite a while ago.

In the past year or so, The Girlfriend and I have provided my children with stability, regularity and, of course, love... but we are with them for only 48 hours each week. However, since Lu-Dog got his iPod, I have been in near constant contact with the boys. When I wake up in the morning, there are usually three or four texts waiting for me and, throughout the day, the boys and I are texting and FaceTiming.

We have never been closer.

So, you can imagine my surprise when Lu-Dog’s new nervous tic reared its ugly head. Everyone is in agreement that this is a stress-related manifestation. Its not the first time it has happened and it likely will not be the last... but when it happens, I believe that it is important to find the problem and fix it.

That is what I set out to do.

My therapist (M) warned me NOT to discuss the issue with Lu-Dog and suggested that I not only call his therapist for insight, but that I have a conversation with his mother. She suggested I avoid sharing my thoughts on WHAT (and I have plenty of them) was troubling him, but simply offer my support in getting to the bottom it.

Seems simple enough, right?

It’s not.

To say that my divorce left a bitter taste in The Ex’s mouth is an understatement. She not only sees me as the source of all of the boys’ problems, as well as hers, she wants me to “screw up”... not only to save face (after telling the world what a horrible father I am), but to sever the strong bond that The Girlfriend and I have with the boys. Although she is the mother of my children, I want nothing to do with her. Why would I? She is vindictive, manipulative and childish.

Sigh.

M is correct. These are MY children and I have a right to know what’s going on in their lives. I have been a pussy since my arrest. I have been afraid to question things. I have repeatedly asked her permission to do things that are well within my rights as a parent. I have been walking on eggshells. For what? She will continue to drag my name through the mud and drive a wedge between the children and I, no matter what I do.

I bit the bullet and, after reaching out to Lu-Dog’s therapist, I called his mother to express my support.

Not only were we on the same page, she told me that Lu-Dog had confided in her about what was stressing him out. I pressed her to share that conversation, but she wouldn’t budge, she only said that it wasn’t anything on MY end. She also stated that, since their conversation, the blinking had stopped.

The following weekend there were no nervous tics, no strange behavior... just peace, love and calm on Planet Six. For a moment, I thought that, perhaps, their mother was finally taking some responsibility and that we would be able to put our differences aside and work together to ensure the well-being of our children.

That was until Wednesday (dinner night) rolled around.

On the way to my house, I asked Lu-Dog an innocent question regarding some plans he had with his mom. In my mind, it was a simple conversation starter, for Lu-Dog? It was a trigger.

His eyes immediately started rolling into the back of his head... uncontrollably... repeatedly... No change of subject and no amount of relaxation could stop it. It continued for the rest of our time together.

That night, in addition to eating dinner as a family, we wrestled, watched baseball, played games and took pictures with his iPod. Everything was normal, but for the fact that he looked like he was possessed every 32.5 seconds. Although that may sound funny, it was gut-wrenching and heartbreaking.

Comforted by the success of our previous conversation, I immediately sent a text to his mother informing her of this new “tic” and seeking advice. She said he hadn’t done the “eye roll” since the week before and casually noted that, although it may look scary, the best thing to do was keep him relaxed and hope that it stops.

Did y’all catch that?

It hadn’t happened since last week?!?

That’s right, while I witnessed constant eye-blinking, she witnessed this disturbing eye roll... and never told me.

She assured me that she would contact Lu-Dog’s therapist and we would talk later that night.

That night, while driving them home, the boys were displaying another new behavior... silence and sadness. Recently, about an hour before I return them to their mother, their moods change. Normally, I wouldn’t think much about it, but coupled with the other behaviors?

Something. Is. Wrong.

Later that night, I got the call and I was ready for another constructive talk about about the boys... but two minutes into the conversation I got the, “You’re not going to wanna hear this... but the problem is you” speech.

I have spent the last couple of years having to rely on friends, neighbors, doctors, teachers and my own observations, to know what is going on in my kids’ lives, simply because I have been shut out by their mother.

My friends keep telling me to take the high road and I am... God knows that I’m tempted to outline exactly what it is that I believe has my kids on edge... but I’m not gonna do that... That’s the highest road I can take right now... but, rest assured that  I’m gonna call bullshit when I see it!

Something is wrong in my kids’ lives.

I am gonna get to the bottom of it... I am going to fix it... and NOTHING is going to stop me.