Father's Day Weekend: A Story in Pictures (Mostly)

So, I had, like, the BEST Father's Day weekend ever! In fact, words can't describe it and the words would likely bore you, so I'll let the photos speak for themselves... but I'm not gonna tell you about Friday night... yet... because it was "date night" and date night deserves its own blog post, which is already written... but I'm saving it for tomorrow.  

Don't confuse me.

The Father's Day fun started on Saturday night. 

We went to the 58th Annual Mattituck Lions Club Strawberry Festival. Around these parts, Strawberries are a big fucking deal and the festival is a big fucking deal as well because they have food and music and carnival rides and games and, of course, strawberries...

They also have shit like this:

I wanted to swim in the one on the left!

This is the psychedelic 7-11 Slurpee truck!

No, there were no hallucinogens in the Slurpees (I asked) which sucks because it probably would have made this a whole lot easier to comprehend:

Seriously?

After we saw that, we had to leave.

No seriously.

We left.

Because D-man pissed himself (and all over me) while I was carrying him to the bathroom.

Thank God we live nearby. I was still annoyed but, thankfully, daddy did some festival pre-gaming with a few Blue Moons and going back home gave me the excuse to down another. 

What?  

When we got back to the festival it was time to go on some rides.

We went on the Wiggle Worm.

Since we were inside of a bird, I assume that WE were the wiggle worms.

We went on the bumper cars.

Don't trust those two!

Lu-dog insisted that we go on the Ferris Wheel together which was SO totally awesome and made my night because usually he wants to sit next to, talk to, go on rides with... The Girlfriend, instead of dad.


That made me SUPER happy.

"We can see our house from here dad!"

We also went in the "Grease-style" fun house.

Admittedly, we had a tough time figuring out how to do this.

Of course, we played a bunch of games and won a bunch of cheap carnival toys and, at around 10 p.m., decided to eat fried Oreo, fried Milky Way, Chicken Fingers and Cheese Steaks.

No wonder I'm so fat!

When I tucked the boys into bed that night, Lu-Dog told me that I was the best dad in the whole world. I slept like a baby... not because Lu-Dog said that, but because it was a long day, in the hot sun... and I drank those Blue Moons...


The next morning, I was showered with gifts... AWESOME gifts.

Aside from MAD artwork from both of the boys, Lu-Dog gave me a little plaque that says, "Dad... You're the Best" -- with a dump duck (seagull) on it. I love dump ducks.

Lu-Dog also gave me some really yummy peanut butter and chocolate fudge that he made in school.

And then came my BIG gift, which was wrapped in homemade wrapping paper.

Lu-Dog thought it would be cool to decorate it with poop.

Guess what my big gift was?

A really awesome pair of leather flip flops.

Ah... the smell of leather in the morning.

I've got my flippy floppies!

Because I am a glutton for punishment we had such a good time the night before, we decided to go BACK to the Strawberry Festival! Before we went, I declared that THIS Father's Day was going to be "Yellow Pants Day," because I am motherfucking in charge!

Only I know how to rock the yellow pants...

Even in the "Rock and Roll" Fun House

This is me and Mick Jagger. Yeah, I don't get it either.

The Girlfriend shocked us all when she declared that she was going to go on The Stinger.

Damn Girlfriend... You crazy!

After a few more rides, Daddy got serious about playing some games... 

He played darts.

He whacked some moles.

That's right! I beat seven other kids to win myself an angry fucking bird, bitches!

We all went fishing...

$200, ten pounds of food, two days of sun exposure, and a car full of blow up toys and plastic weapons later, the boys went home to their mom and I'm about to have a relaxing dinner with my sweetie (and maybe another Blue Moon).


Yeah... it really WAS the best Father's Day weekend. Ever!