Once, I saw this comic strip that compared how men and women view their bodies.
In one frame, an attractive woman with curves in all the right places was looking at herself in the mirror. Her reflection showed someone who was sloppy and overweight. The next frame showed a really fat and ugly guy flexing his muscles. His reflection, however, showed a muscle-bound stud with really nice teeth and hair.
At some point, while not paying attention because I was too busy marveling at how great I look good in medium-sized t-shirts, I got HUGE... and its not like proportionately huge... most of me is normal... its just the area between my neck and my waist.
I just realized that, thanks to the little prick at the Bronx Zoo that meets you at the front gate when you and your girlfriend and your kids are thoroughly cranky because you’ve all been waiting for the park to open for the last half hour and then he asks you if you want your picture taken and then snaps the photo before you can even say no and hands you a ticket and announces (right in front of your children) that you can bring the ticket back on your way out and pay $300 to get a copy of the photo and then your kid annoyingly reminds you every 15 minutes not to forget about the photo.
Yeah. Fuck that guy.
At some point, while not paying attention because I was too busy marveling at how great I look good in medium-sized t-shirts, I got HUGE... and its not like proportionately huge... most of me is normal... its just the area between my neck and my waist.
I just realized that, thanks to the little prick at the Bronx Zoo that meets you at the front gate when you and your girlfriend and your kids are thoroughly cranky because you’ve all been waiting for the park to open for the last half hour and then he asks you if you want your picture taken and then snaps the photo before you can even say no and hands you a ticket and announces (right in front of your children) that you can bring the ticket back on your way out and pay $300 to get a copy of the photo and then your kid annoyingly reminds you every 15 minutes not to forget about the photo.
Yeah. Fuck that guy.
“Oh my God, when did my belly get that big,” I asked the girlfriend.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Have you seen the way you eat?”
Fuck.
But its not just my fat belly.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“Have you seen the way you eat?”
Fuck.
But its not just my fat belly.
The African Gorilla we saw yesterday alerted me to another problem.
I have gorilla tits.
5 comments:
On the other hand, your girlfriend is really hot.
@Brandy Rose: Word! ;)
I won't look at my ass in the mirror anymore. That fucking mirror is a jealous slut!
@Nicki: Yeah, fuck that mirror.
I don't need the Bronx zoo or the gorilla to remind me how i look. The daily binge on Uncrustables and Pringles does a good enough job.
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