The Grilled Cheese Experiment

I’m not very good at domestic chores.

Take laundry, for example. It wasn’t until recently that I learned the importance of starting the water and adding the detergent, prior to putting clothes into the machine. I’m still trying to grasp the concept of what is and what is NOT the proper load size, although I did finally figure out the importance of turning clothes “right side out” before washing.

There are certain domestic tasks, however, that I cannot and will not ever be able to do... like ironing. Yeah, fuck that shit. That’s why the little Chinese lady at my local dry cleaner has become one of the most important (and most expensive) women in my life.

I’m not completely inept when it comes to domestic chores. I mean, I’m really good at vacuuming, taking out the trash and organizing. If you ever need your closet or kitchen cabinets organized? I’m the man. Seriously.  

Hubert The Drunken (and possibly rabid) Albino

I have spent the last seven days cleaning Nana’s house, a task that has proved more daunting than anticipated.

As I pull boxes from beneath beds, dig deep into the bowels of dresser drawers and sort through over-stuffed closets, all filled with equal parts garbage, keepsakes and yard sale shwag, I uncover personal memories that had, until now, been long forgotten.

Sometimes I laugh.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I speak to the spirits that roam the halls.

The Picture Project

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

I say, a picture is priceless.

Regardless of whether she trusted me or wanted to torture me, Nana, in her infinite wisdom, chose me to be the executor of her will. That’s right, she passed over three children and four other grandchildren to put me in charge of her estate.

My first task is to prepare her house, my childhood home, for sale. It is overwhelming to think that the doors that I have passed through, the halls that I have roamed, and the rooms where I slept (and had lots of sex) for nearly four decades, will soon be just a memory.

“She’s Little Now”

When you lose someone close to you, there’s always a lot of work to be done.  Unfortunately, the work associated with the business surrounding death, leaves little room to grieve.

Tomorrow starts the long drawn-out process of saying goodbye to my Nana. There will be a wake in the evening, a funeral service the following morning, and a burial three days later. That’s a lot, considering that is has been nearly three days since her passing and I have yet to be alone with my thoughts.

I have surprisingly maintained my composure while talking to funeral directors, clergy, insurance agents, attorneys, credit card companies, florists and all of the other players in this incredibly complicated end-of-life game. In those moments, it is almost easy... like hitting cruise control on the highway and texting your girlfriend (which is why you should never drive with me -- just saying). This is business, the little voice inside my head says, and emotion will only complicate things.

"Zzzzs"

Post #26 in a 26-part series in the “Blogging from A to Z Blog Challenge,” which is now over AND I'm doing this a day early... I have to. Read on and you will understand why Today’s letter is “Z” -- The end!

 

I wanted to give y’all something really cool to end this challenge.

I know that I have been making excuses for the past week or so for not being my usual self...

..but a lot has happened...

…more than just stolen cars and such…

"Yellow" Lemons

Post #25 in a 26-part series in the “Blogging from A to Z Blog Challenge,” which is just one day away from completion! Today’s letter is “Y” -- Enjoy!

What’s the old saying?

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade?

That’s a great thought and all, but I’m really not good at making lemonade. I’d rather just avoid the lemons and buy my lemonade pre-made.

“X” Marks The Spot!

This is a burial plot.

Post #24 in a 26-part series in the “Blogging from A to Z Blog Challenge,” which is almost over, which is kinda sad. Today’s letter is “X” -- Enjoy!

There is a freshly-dug hole behind my house.

Do tell! Buried treasure? A time capsule?

No, its a grave site for the world’s biggest asshole!

That’s fucked up Six... You can’t kill your ex!

Not THAT asshole. I’m talking about the cat!

No! What happened to kitty?

Nothing... Yet.